1. Erap sa school
Classmate: What is 5 plus 4?
Erap: Eh di 9!
Classmate: What is 4 plus 5?
Erap: Gagaguhin mo pa ako eh binaligtad mo lang. Eh di 6!
2. Erap calling U.P. Diliman:
Erap: Hello! Is this Diliman?
Operator: No, this is Padre Faura!
Erap: I’m sorry father, wrong number!
3. Liter
Question: Ilang liters meron and Coke?
Erap: Apat! Liter C, liter O, liter K, liter E.
4. Brain
ERAP: I have a brain cancer. Yehey!
Ramos: That’s delicate, how come you’re still happy?
ERAP: Now I know I have a brain!
5. Execute
Why did Erap shoot his wife when he bought a house?
Because the contract reads:
“Execute all 3 copies together with your wife…”
6. Kalibre
Erap was accepting the surrender of an NPA unit Commander:
Erap: So you are the Commander?
Commander: yes, I am.
Erap: So what does your comrades call you?
Commander: Ka Liber
Erap: What kind? .38 or .45?
7. Elevator
FVR: Sorry I’m late! Brownout! Na stuck sa elevator for 1 hour.
ERAP: Wala yan. Ako 3 hours sa escalator.
8. Oral
Teacher: Erap, all your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Erap: Oral.
9. Pizza
Erap calls into a take-out pizza parlor.
Pizza man: Would you like your pizza sliced into six or eight?
Erap: Six, I don’t think I could eat eight.
10. Alcohol
Alfredo Lim is half-Filipino, half-Chinese.
Manoling Morato is half-Filipino, half-Filipina.
Erap is half-Filipino, half-Alcohol.
